What is a roster in dating, and is it fair?

A roster in dating means the group of people someone is currently talking to, considering or dating at the same time. It usually suggests that no exclusive partnership has been chosen. The word doesn't tell you whether the arrangement is honest, so check expectations before assuming everyone understands it alike.

Where does the word come from?

A roster is a list of people in a group, often a team. Dating slang borrows that list idea. The phrase can sound casual to one person and impersonal to another, especially when people are described as positions to fill.

In his reviewed discussion of roster dating, Bruce Y. Lee describes dating multiple people without exclusivity and considers the role of honesty. That's a description of an arrangement, not a recommendation that everyone adopt it.

The dating slang glossary translates the expression. In an actual conversation, “I'm dating non-exclusively” often says more clearly what another person needs to know.

How do people use it?

People may use “roster” with friends while comparing their dating lives. What matters to the people involved is the information behind the shorthand.

Explaining the term: “Still seeing the person from the book swap?” “Yes, but we've both said we're dating other people.” A friend might describe that as having a roster.

Checking your place: “When you say I'm on your roster, do you mean you're seeing other people?” “Yes. Should have made that clearer.” The useful answer is about exclusivity, not ranking.

Declining the arrangement: “I'm comfortable keeping things open.” “I'm looking for one connection at a time, so this isn't for me.” Neither person needs to win the disagreement.

Not everyone wants to know details about other dates. Some want that information; others prefer a simple agreement about status. Ask rather than sharing names, messages or comparisons that the other people haven't agreed to make public.

Is it the same as cushioning, benching or a situationship?

Cushioning implies keeping backup possibilities around a main connection. Benching suggests leaving someone available in reserve without making meaningful progress. Roster dating can instead involve several openly understood, active connections.

A situationship describes undefined romantic status. You can date several people while being clear about that status, or date only one person while remaining uncertain about what it means.

Love is respect's healthy relationship guide includes honesty and space for individual choices. Those ideas apply here: knowing an arrangement lets someone decide whether it suits them.

The number of people involved can't answer every fairness question. One person can make contradictory promises in a single relationship; several people can understand a non-exclusive arrangement clearly.

What should you do if someone mentions a roster?

Ask what their statement means for you before reacting to the slang. Love is respect's expectations resource recommends discussing expectations rather than assuming the same definition.

1. To understand the arrangement, you could say: “Are you dating other people now, and are you looking for exclusivity eventually?”
2. To state your preference, you could say: “I'm okay with non-exclusive dates, but don't want comparisons with anyone else.”
3. To change course, you could say: “I'd like to focus on one relationship. If you want to keep things open, I'll step back.”

If you want to agree on a change, use the guide to having the DTR conversation. Exclusivity starts with a shared agreement, not with deleting a name from a private list.

If you're the person dating several people, correct misleading impressions before making more plans. You can be truthful without disclosing someone else's identity. If juggling the conversations leaves you tired or confused, reduce the pace; there is no requirement to keep several connections going.